Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
