Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
