i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
