Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
