Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
