Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
