I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
