i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
