just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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