Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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