Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
