I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Too much gin, very little bucket
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
