yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
