Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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