Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You don't make any sense
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