I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
