If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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