i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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