i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I still have a little drunk in my system
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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