TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
