good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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