I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
