I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
