yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
