Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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