Betty ford says i'm here all night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
