i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
