don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
