Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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