He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
