I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
