I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
