from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just forgot I was standing up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had to cum in my sink.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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