please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
