then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Less talking, more tequila
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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