I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
