So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
