First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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