she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
