He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
