I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
