rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
