Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
