Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
