My entire life is one complicated drinking game
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
