I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
