Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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