I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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