so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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