I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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